you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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