Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize