I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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