There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
