Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
