you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
