There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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