That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
