I feel great
I just peed on a car
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
