I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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