I'm sorry my penis didn't work
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
