dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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