I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
