Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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