I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
