no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sex in a hospital.. check
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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