my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I did not marry a roomba.
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