Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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