someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
