I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
