Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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