remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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