if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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