Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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