It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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