I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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