so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
