Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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