I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
