she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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