Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
