I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
