I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How's work?
Spinning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
