I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
