Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Who died my cat blue again?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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