I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
