well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
