Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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