Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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