Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
