well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just gift wrapped bread.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
