Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
