Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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