i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
