yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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