I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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