He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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