he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
