dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
