You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
