its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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