i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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