he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
