i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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