you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
