There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
