remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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